24 January 2017

A Stumbling Block

Shedding tears in public was not my thing.

But I cried.

I cried in class today. While teacher consoled C, I subconsciously withdrew myself from that seemingly delicate space, squatted next to the storage cabinet and wept... out of frustration, tiredness and helplessness. I was emotionally drained over C incessant crying episodes the entire morning (yesterday's too) for countless reasons.

Today the pains I had to endure were too close to the heart. Looking at C tear-streaked face, hearing him uttered between sobs how he wanted to play to join in the game (but he couldn't run); how he refused to change out the tear soaked tape that secured his NGT for fear of being left out from snack break; for not being able to eat with the others despite being hungry (see 'note' below); for not being able to protect his artwork being "destroyed" by other kids (they smeared some paint on his paper). Being powerless being dependent on others to act on his behalf frustrated him but most of all, he was upset with mommy who couldn't make things happen. It broke me.

I guessed I need a good rest tonight. Praying for strength and positivity.

Note:
Backtracked a little. C had fallen ill on the 3rd week; missed 3 days of school. He returned this week in better health but with weaker swallowing. Food/drinks were temporarily avoided to reduce choking. Despite proper rest over the week, C also had difficulty adjusting to school hours. Insufficient sleep contributed to his moodswings.

4 comments:

  1. Hi Lowell, its not easy on you. Both Caelen and your heart need to bear a lot of courage. I hope Caelen feels better soon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. We were back in school on Wed after a long CNY break. Yeah it's never easy and expecting more hurdles to come our way. Bcos of that, we need to sort out our emotions quickly, be back on our feet to take on the next challenge. As I'm writing this, another problem came our way. We will be ok

    ReplyDelete
  3. Stay strong Mrs. Tan! I have immeasurable respect for how dedicated and loving you are!

    ReplyDelete