A Porcelain Doll

An accident at the car park this afternoon.

I have always been very careful handling C all these while but made a grave mistake today - for losing my concentration, for taking my eyes off him. I was carrying C when I took a second to talk to hubby. C lost his balance and fell backwards. The next thing I knew, he was no longer leaning on my shoulder but his entire body and head hanging in mid-air and I was just holding on to the lower half of his body hip down. Fear took over me. I watched him burst into tears and the following seconds felt like eternity. I hugged him close and cried uncontrollably.

Worried sick and unwillingly, I laid him on the back seat, waited for some responses. C was still crying and I wasn't sure if it's due to the shock or if he was hurt. My hands were shaking so bad as I turned him to his side checking for signs of injury, bruising, pain and breathing difficulty. At the same time rattling to my hubby amidst sobs that I was so scare, didn't know what to do, didn't know if he was hurt, that we should forget about meeting my sister & family, go to the hospital instead.

Few minutes passed and nothing. I could not find anything conclusive but that did not convince me C was fine even though he was back to his usual self, laughing and playing. The horrific thought of C sustaining a spine or neck injury; the guilt for letting it happened did not go away. For the entire day, I was haunted by it. I think this guilt and paranoia would stay for a while.

After we reached our destination and while hubby was unloading our barang barang, I took the opportunity to explain to Cayla that I was frightened by the incident and I was sorry for screaming at her earlier. She nodded her head and shared that she was frightened too by what happened. There was a brief silence in the car before Cayla popped a question “Mommy, why 弟弟 (little brother) cannot walk?" That took me by surprise and I was lost for words, got emotional and cried non-stop.

This aside...

We received the bill for C's first hospitalisation. A whopping $11,500.00 for a 9-day stay. That was before the government grant, Medishield coverage and Medisave deduction. Imagine us without any of these, we would probably be in debt for a long time. Anyway, am grateful that the grant and insurance took care of a substantial amount; that we have adequate funds in Medisave to offset the few thousand dollars and that the upfront cash payment was kept to a minimal $100. But how long can our Medisave sustain us, I wondered. Still waiting for the second bill to come, possibly another few thousand dollars.

For now, I rather spend my time worrying about C. I am praying that he will be ok.